A Number Other Than #1

For the last few months I have been able to - not necessary hijack – but obtain wireless internet signals floating around my apartment. However, due to all the recent rain storms we had here in NYC – this caused procuring a wireless signal very difficult. So therefore I decided to bite the bullet and sign up for cable internet service legally once and for all.

The internet company gave me a 4 hour window for the installation guy to come and wouldn’t you know it – he showed up 3 ½ hours later. Once he arrived and started to do his thing - being the nice guy that I am – I thought I would offer him a drink. He kindly refused a drink but did ask if he could use the bathroom. I said sure no problem – to which he replied “Thanks – I just had a huuuuge dinner”. At this point I am thinking – okay maybe he refused the drink because he had lots to drink at his huuuuge dinner and only need to do a #1. Well at least that was what I was hoping for. Well – about 15 minutes later – the cable guy comes out and if that wasn’t bad enough that he did some number other than a #1 in my bathroom – he leaves the door wide open. I was like – “Oh dear God!” and tried to inhale as many deep breaths as I could before the air in the bathroom would waft through to where I was. But does this story stop here my friends – of course not! As I said, after doing some number other than #1 and leaving the door wide open – he proceeds to walk towards me and did NOT wash his hands. I am thinking to myself - “Ewwwwww – no he just did not just walk out and not wash up!!!” He then fumbles through all the paperwork – signs a few documents. And at this point I am thinking I am not touching that pen – so I casually walk to my bookshelf while holding my breath to grab a pen without him noticing. He then hands me the paperwork which I sign with my clean pen and hope that all the connections have already been made and that we are done without me having to touch anything else from him. But then my fear came true, he said – “I need to grab your laptop to make some setting changes”. I was like NO!!! – I hesitated and tried to think of how I could get out of this but in the end I had no choice but to hand it over. So he then proceeded to touched and use every key on my keyboard – Twice - just for fun I think. He completed testing all the equipment and when everything worked - I took back the laptop, walked him to the door and said thank you. And yes – you better believe I Lysol-ed every millimeter and surface of my laptop. I also nearly fainted from all the fumes but I think the laptop is safe to use once again. So in summary, I don’t think Bob will be nice enough to offer any drinks to the next service person that comes.