A Number Other Than #1

For the last few months I have been able to - not necessary hijack – but obtain wireless internet signals floating around my apartment. However, due to all the recent rain storms we had here in NYC – this caused procuring a wireless signal very difficult. So therefore I decided to bite the bullet and sign up for cable internet service legally once and for all.

The internet company gave me a 4 hour window for the installation guy to come and wouldn’t you know it – he showed up 3 ½ hours later. Once he arrived and started to do his thing - being the nice guy that I am – I thought I would offer him a drink. He kindly refused a drink but did ask if he could use the bathroom. I said sure no problem – to which he replied “Thanks – I just had a huuuuge dinner”. At this point I am thinking – okay maybe he refused the drink because he had lots to drink at his huuuuge dinner and only need to do a #1. Well at least that was what I was hoping for. Well – about 15 minutes later – the cable guy comes out and if that wasn’t bad enough that he did some number other than a #1 in my bathroom – he leaves the door wide open. I was like – “Oh dear God!” and tried to inhale as many deep breaths as I could before the air in the bathroom would waft through to where I was. But does this story stop here my friends – of course not! As I said, after doing some number other than #1 and leaving the door wide open – he proceeds to walk towards me and did NOT wash his hands. I am thinking to myself - “Ewwwwww – no he just did not just walk out and not wash up!!!” He then fumbles through all the paperwork – signs a few documents. And at this point I am thinking I am not touching that pen – so I casually walk to my bookshelf while holding my breath to grab a pen without him noticing. He then hands me the paperwork which I sign with my clean pen and hope that all the connections have already been made and that we are done without me having to touch anything else from him. But then my fear came true, he said – “I need to grab your laptop to make some setting changes”. I was like NO!!! – I hesitated and tried to think of how I could get out of this but in the end I had no choice but to hand it over. So he then proceeded to touched and use every key on my keyboard – Twice - just for fun I think. He completed testing all the equipment and when everything worked - I took back the laptop, walked him to the door and said thank you. And yes – you better believe I Lysol-ed every millimeter and surface of my laptop. I also nearly fainted from all the fumes but I think the laptop is safe to use once again. So in summary, I don’t think Bob will be nice enough to offer any drinks to the next service person that comes.

Things To Do

Lately I've been talking quite a bit to a coworker who is running in the NYC marathon next month. All this talk has really made me want to participate in next year's race - however you've got to either qualify or get lucky and win a spot through the lottery. This has made me think about some of the other things I also want to do while I am still in New York. Besides trying to get in for the 2006 NYC Marathon - I am gonna try and see if I have what it takes to join the Polar Bear Club this January 1st. This is something that has piqued my interest ever since I moved here but have never tried. On the first day of every year - a group of crazy nuts gather at the Coney Island Boardwalk and take a plunge in the icy waters of the North Atlantic Ocean. There's not a hard and fast rule of how deep one must go in - just as long as you frollick in the water that should be good enough I think. So Bob will probably go at least knee deep - may go a little deeper but I got to be careful not to damage any "goods" either. Also since we are talking about New Years - I still have to make it into the middle of Times Square for the Ball Drop. I just befriended a guy who has connections at a hotel located in Times Square - so with these special passes I will be able to walk into Times Square at around 9pm or 10pm instead of 4pm like the rest of the losers standing out there for 8 hours without any bathroom breaks.

So there you have it - any takers out there - I really need a partner for the Polar Bear Club - let me know and we can start training soon. I figure there are two ways to train for this - you either start eating tons and tons of rich and fatty foods so that we can form a nice and thick layer of blubber to protect us from the shock of the freezing waters or start taking only cold showers from now until the big day. My plan is to party it up from now until New Years - eat drink and be merry - enjoy the ball drop - test out my new layer of blubber the next day and then burn it all off a few months later in the marathon. Now does that sound like a great plan or what.