There's Always One....
You know how no matter where you go – there is always one person that just talks way too much. And wouldn’t you know it – he was that guy sitting next to me on my trip to Vancouver Yeah - lucky me!!!!
When I got to my seat on the plane and was settling in – from the corner of my eye, I noticed that the guy next to me was looking at me with a big smile on his face and that he was just eager to start a conversation. At first, I resisted because I was tired and just wanted to sleep because I woke up at 4:30 am that morning. But as I finished settling in – he was still looking at me and I made the big mistake of turning to him, smiling and saying good morning. And that was the opening he was looking for and that is when the floodgates opened up. He then proceeded to tell me – how he was in an elbow war with the guy next to him on his last flight, and how he had to call the stewardess over to settle the dispute, how in 40 years - he has flown on every airline, how he has a nephew that is some big shot at AA and that whenever he mentions his nephew’s name to the AA staff - they would all poop in their pants – why was he flying Delta anyway(hmm…makes you wonder), how his wife is the grand daughter of a Mafioso don, how his wife also used pepper spray on another woman because she kept on poking her baby grand daughter too much while she was in her crib in the park, how he was a police officer in the past and that he once transported a criminal on a three day trip across the country and that he would not let the guy go on bathroom breaks and that the guy peed and pooped on himself for the entire trip, how he owns his own grocery store – yet likes to shop at this competitor’s store because it was closer to his house(another hmm…makes you wonder), how if you are ever traveling that the best bathrooms to use while on the road is Target,Wal-Mart, and Kmart – in that specific order, and how he never checks in luggage and packs everything in a one carry on bag and he would buy whatever else he needed once he landed. And that was all in the first 20 minutes of the flight – BEFORE WE EVEN TOOK OFF because of a delay. By this time everyone on the plane was sleeping, except for me and my new bestest friend.
So finally, as the plane was done taxi-ing and was now picking up speed for takeoff, I noticed for a split second - he was looking out the window. This is when I quickly put on my headphones to the cd player, closed my eyes and turned my head the other way before he could turn around. Ahh…the sound of silence, I think the whole plane let out a collective sigh of relief. I would take a peek once in awhile and would see him facing me wanting to talk again, but I did not dare open my eyes or even move. After awhile the stewardess came by serving drinks, and this is when I made the tragic mistake of opening my eyes and requesting a coke. He took this opportunity to start another rambling conversation with me, but unlike him – I WILL SPARE you and not put you thru what I went through a second time. Serves me right for being greedy and wanting a drink.
When I got to my seat on the plane and was settling in – from the corner of my eye, I noticed that the guy next to me was looking at me with a big smile on his face and that he was just eager to start a conversation. At first, I resisted because I was tired and just wanted to sleep because I woke up at 4:30 am that morning. But as I finished settling in – he was still looking at me and I made the big mistake of turning to him, smiling and saying good morning. And that was the opening he was looking for and that is when the floodgates opened up. He then proceeded to tell me – how he was in an elbow war with the guy next to him on his last flight, and how he had to call the stewardess over to settle the dispute, how in 40 years - he has flown on every airline, how he has a nephew that is some big shot at AA and that whenever he mentions his nephew’s name to the AA staff - they would all poop in their pants – why was he flying Delta anyway(hmm…makes you wonder), how his wife is the grand daughter of a Mafioso don, how his wife also used pepper spray on another woman because she kept on poking her baby grand daughter too much while she was in her crib in the park, how he was a police officer in the past and that he once transported a criminal on a three day trip across the country and that he would not let the guy go on bathroom breaks and that the guy peed and pooped on himself for the entire trip, how he owns his own grocery store – yet likes to shop at this competitor’s store because it was closer to his house(another hmm…makes you wonder), how if you are ever traveling that the best bathrooms to use while on the road is Target,Wal-Mart, and Kmart – in that specific order, and how he never checks in luggage and packs everything in a one carry on bag and he would buy whatever else he needed once he landed. And that was all in the first 20 minutes of the flight – BEFORE WE EVEN TOOK OFF because of a delay. By this time everyone on the plane was sleeping, except for me and my new bestest friend.
So finally, as the plane was done taxi-ing and was now picking up speed for takeoff, I noticed for a split second - he was looking out the window. This is when I quickly put on my headphones to the cd player, closed my eyes and turned my head the other way before he could turn around. Ahh…the sound of silence, I think the whole plane let out a collective sigh of relief. I would take a peek once in awhile and would see him facing me wanting to talk again, but I did not dare open my eyes or even move. After awhile the stewardess came by serving drinks, and this is when I made the tragic mistake of opening my eyes and requesting a coke. He took this opportunity to start another rambling conversation with me, but unlike him – I WILL SPARE you and not put you thru what I went through a second time. Serves me right for being greedy and wanting a drink.
posted by Bob at 5:00 PM
7 Comments:
What a nightmare!! Next time, get off your B-U-T-T and find a better seat.
I think that was the longest run-on sentence I've ever seen. Need some grammar lessons? I'll even give them to you free.
With love, The Cutie from Brooklyn
Hey, serves you right...was that my missing CD player you were listening to? I hope it works when you return it! SD
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
First, it would have been rude to get up and leave after he started talking to me. Second, it was the longest run-on sentence on purpose. I was trying to make a point and - Give me a call me sometime. Third, the cd player on the trip was not the one you are refering to - I still can't get yours to work.
Yeah, that was hilarious! This is one of my all time favorites posts! I was crackin' up several times as I read! You know I am sort of a territorial beast who's that cutie from Brooklyn? You are grounded as of right now! I now understand why you didn't want to converse when you returned. Did you like your gift? Hand carved you know! I watched 'em do it. I'm sure there was more about Canada you want to share! Sorry, for the bad trip...but I must say you are a very good listener it seems you caught it all! Did you ask him if he know the Lord that may have been an opportunity for you to minister to him? Still too funny!!!!!!
Yeah Bob - who's the cutie?
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