Quartered And Dimed In NYC

The price of everything has gone up in the past few months. Juice, bread, milk, drop off laundry service and even baked goods at the coffee cart in front of my building. And I won’t even get started on the ridiculous prices I pay for lunch everyday. Yes, the price of just about everything imaginable has gone up except for my salary that is. It used to cost .80 cents for each pound of laundry I drop off. This morning, when I dropped my clothes off - I wasn’t shocked but not too pleased when I discovered that it just went up by a dime to .90 cents - a modest but slightly painful 13% increase. Then I go to work and proceed to buy my sugar bomb aka cinnamon bun as usual. But as I was about to place my crumpled dollar bill on the counter, the guy says – “That’ll be $1.25”. What! This, I was truly upset about – you’ve got to be kidding me. Now granted .25 cents or a quarter in itself isn’t a big deal but in percentage terms, it’s a whopping 25% increase in price. Now I understand the laundry lady and the doughnut dude has got to eat – BUT SO DOES BOB! I am not The Donald or some hot-shot investment banker – I’m just regular ol’ Bob in NYC dang it.

So bossman, you know who you are – if you are reading this, which you are probably not, but if you are and if you have any decency or sympathy at all for the residents of New York City – please heed my request. Greedy I am not but I seriously need a bigger raise this year! Otherwise, not only you but more importantly everyone in the city – will have to put up with a Bob who either re-wears his boxers more than once a day or goes completely commando! The choice is up to you big guy because God, Buddha or Allah forbid I have to do my own laundry like most residents of NYC. Nor am I ready to give up my morning treats either so - something has got to give. Because in the end – yummy cinnamonny-sugary goodness wins over clean underwear every day of the week.

Bahama But No Mammas

First I would like to dispel all rumors that Bob died of hypothermia by attempting to join the 2006 class of the Polar Bears Club. As you can read Bob is still alive and kicking. It has been a long half year so far my friends - my old job was beginning to just drain my energy due to all the recent attrition and dumping of more work on me. But I got some good news for you - I have just recently started a new job at a very high falutin’ publishing house which will remain nameless at the moment. It is one of the most well known and highly coveted companies to work for in NYC. I hope this new job will be much more exciting and fun. It was on my list of the top five places I wanted to work for – so you go Bob!

But before I started this week – I decided Bob deserved a much needed and long overdue vacation. So off to The Bahamas I went. It was very nice, warm and relaxing. Despite all the disbelief among my family and friends - I did go alone. Sure the Bahamas is not a place that most people go alone but that doesn’t mean that nobody ever does it. It was just nice not to worry if the other party is having fun, hungry, or tired. It was just me, myself and I. Even my mother wanted to come – but I think no man my age should have to see his mother in a bikini – so I kindly rejected her offer to keep me company. Also,despite a very friendly barista at Starbucks - there were no Bahama Mammas to be had. Which was a good thing regarding the former and an oh-well for the latter. So I just basically sat on my kiester and sipped frozen daiquiris on the beach for two days while soaking in the sun and swimming in the nice warm Caribbean waters by day. And spent my nights generously giving away my money to the very nice dealers at the Palace Casino. But all in all I had a great time. I mean what was there not to like – being in the Bahamas, nice consistent showers that did not scald you one second and cause shrinkage to Bob’s boys the next and 30 channels of cable TV. Seriously what was there not to like right? Well maybe a latter Bahama Mamma would have been nice....

Just Another Typical Sunday Afternoon

Well, it was just your average Sunday for me again...well almost. It did start off like any other Sunday - I met a friend at Starbucks to get a nice hot latte and apple fritter to start off my morning. Then from there the surprises started to take form - we exited the store to have our very own private Lincoln Town car waiting for us. The driver greeted us and wisked us away from Manhattan into New Jersey to see...the NFC WildCard Playoff game between the Giants and Panthers. He dropped us off in front of the stadium and we proceeded to make our way through a series of elevators and hallways to reach our highly guarded luxury suite to watch the game in the comfy climate controlled envirornment. Once inside the luxury box, we staked our claim to seats right in front of the glass enclosure and then methodically started to sample every scrumptious item being kept warm inside the nice silver platters. We stuffed ourselves with sodas, beer, chips & dip, spicy buffalo wings, giant sized chili dogs, cheeseburgers with all the fixings, country fried chicken, fresh fruit and of course two types of ice cream cookie sandwiches. The only thing missing were the Tums.

Although the game turned out to be a stinker with the Panthers winning 23-0, the experience itself was nothing like the outcome of the game. After the final seconds ticked off the clock, we managed to roll ourselves out and were picked up at the stadium to be chauffeured back to my friend's apartment. I guy can sure get used to this door to door service treatment. I guess Bob kinda knows what it feels like to be a poorer Donald Trump now - and it was tres tres nice I have to admit. Well, a special thanks to my friend Sam for arranging this and of course inviting me to the game. If you keep this up my friend, all I have to say is...in the words of The Donald - "You're Hired".

Ohhh Carol...

Last week I got word that an old friend was back in NYC. Although we kind of met by accident, I was immediately smitten with Carol the first time I saw her. When we met, she told me she was here on business and would leave after a few weeks. Knowing all of this I tried not getting too close, but in the end I could not resist her allure and charisma. She had the rare combination of being so playful yet so elegant and charming at the same time. She would always have a twinkle about her and just light up everything around her whenever she was present and always brought a silly smile to my face.

So when I heard she was back in town – I just had to see her again and we arranged to meet up on Saturday night. As I was exiting the subway station – the cold air woke me from my daydreams of yesteryear of spending time with her and I noticed myself actually getting a little nervous and apprehensive. I had so many questions running through my mind. “Would she still look the same or would she be even more stunning? Would she even remember me and would she even feel the same way towards me.” So at the appointed time and place, we finally saw each other again after nearly a year. I was quiet but had a large grin on my face as usual and there she was. Not only was she what I remembered, but dare I say even more radiant and mesmerizing. She held me captive from the first toll of the bell toll to the last – yes finally...my Carol Of The Bells started to play and my beloved Snowflake show was back. She was just so amazing - sparkling and dancing across the building façade with such grace and beauty. I oooohhed and aaaahhed for 3 shows and called it a night – till next time my dear…till next time…which is probably tomorrow.

Guess What Time It Is?

That's right boys and girls - it is that time of year again...Today is the lighting of the Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center. And with the lighting of the tree - comes what else...Something that I...ahem...WE all have been waiting for all year long since that very very sad sad sad day in early January 2005. Yes - tonight will be the start of OUR beloved SnowFlake Show!!!! Yippee!!!! So if there are any visitors coming to NYC this month - be sure to stop by for one or two or 1,425,285 shows. Ding-da-da-Ding...Ding-da-da-Ding...

A Number Other Than #1

For the last few months I have been able to - not necessary hijack – but obtain wireless internet signals floating around my apartment. However, due to all the recent rain storms we had here in NYC – this caused procuring a wireless signal very difficult. So therefore I decided to bite the bullet and sign up for cable internet service legally once and for all.

The internet company gave me a 4 hour window for the installation guy to come and wouldn’t you know it – he showed up 3 ½ hours later. Once he arrived and started to do his thing - being the nice guy that I am – I thought I would offer him a drink. He kindly refused a drink but did ask if he could use the bathroom. I said sure no problem – to which he replied “Thanks – I just had a huuuuge dinner”. At this point I am thinking – okay maybe he refused the drink because he had lots to drink at his huuuuge dinner and only need to do a #1. Well at least that was what I was hoping for. Well – about 15 minutes later – the cable guy comes out and if that wasn’t bad enough that he did some number other than a #1 in my bathroom – he leaves the door wide open. I was like – “Oh dear God!” and tried to inhale as many deep breaths as I could before the air in the bathroom would waft through to where I was. But does this story stop here my friends – of course not! As I said, after doing some number other than #1 and leaving the door wide open – he proceeds to walk towards me and did NOT wash his hands. I am thinking to myself - “Ewwwwww – no he just did not just walk out and not wash up!!!” He then fumbles through all the paperwork – signs a few documents. And at this point I am thinking I am not touching that pen – so I casually walk to my bookshelf while holding my breath to grab a pen without him noticing. He then hands me the paperwork which I sign with my clean pen and hope that all the connections have already been made and that we are done without me having to touch anything else from him. But then my fear came true, he said – “I need to grab your laptop to make some setting changes”. I was like NO!!! – I hesitated and tried to think of how I could get out of this but in the end I had no choice but to hand it over. So he then proceeded to touched and use every key on my keyboard – Twice - just for fun I think. He completed testing all the equipment and when everything worked - I took back the laptop, walked him to the door and said thank you. And yes – you better believe I Lysol-ed every millimeter and surface of my laptop. I also nearly fainted from all the fumes but I think the laptop is safe to use once again. So in summary, I don’t think Bob will be nice enough to offer any drinks to the next service person that comes.

Things To Do

Lately I've been talking quite a bit to a coworker who is running in the NYC marathon next month. All this talk has really made me want to participate in next year's race - however you've got to either qualify or get lucky and win a spot through the lottery. This has made me think about some of the other things I also want to do while I am still in New York. Besides trying to get in for the 2006 NYC Marathon - I am gonna try and see if I have what it takes to join the Polar Bear Club this January 1st. This is something that has piqued my interest ever since I moved here but have never tried. On the first day of every year - a group of crazy nuts gather at the Coney Island Boardwalk and take a plunge in the icy waters of the North Atlantic Ocean. There's not a hard and fast rule of how deep one must go in - just as long as you frollick in the water that should be good enough I think. So Bob will probably go at least knee deep - may go a little deeper but I got to be careful not to damage any "goods" either. Also since we are talking about New Years - I still have to make it into the middle of Times Square for the Ball Drop. I just befriended a guy who has connections at a hotel located in Times Square - so with these special passes I will be able to walk into Times Square at around 9pm or 10pm instead of 4pm like the rest of the losers standing out there for 8 hours without any bathroom breaks.

So there you have it - any takers out there - I really need a partner for the Polar Bear Club - let me know and we can start training soon. I figure there are two ways to train for this - you either start eating tons and tons of rich and fatty foods so that we can form a nice and thick layer of blubber to protect us from the shock of the freezing waters or start taking only cold showers from now until the big day. My plan is to party it up from now until New Years - eat drink and be merry - enjoy the ball drop - test out my new layer of blubber the next day and then burn it all off a few months later in the marathon. Now does that sound like a great plan or what.

Don't Worry...Be Clammy

I was talking to a coworker yesterday and she said "I am happy as a clam." So that made me wonder - "What does it mean to be happy as a clam"? I mean what is it about a clam that makes them sooo happy? Is it because clams are constantly in a state of perpetual bliss? Or maybe is it because clams lead a simple life and that they are just happy go lucky all the time? And another question that should not be overlooked is - what about the other species in the mollusks family - do they not deserve to be happy too? Just what is so special about clams that allows them to be happy and not other mollusks. Does anybody know - anyone...anyone? Well lucky for you Bob does...But before we can get to the explanation we must take a step back and look at the saying in it's entirety. The whole saying is actually "Happy as a clam during high tide". I suppose this makes more sense. There are actually two reasons why a clam would be happy during high tide. First, people can only get the clams when the water is low and this makes it difficult when the tide is in or the water is high. Second, during high tide, there is plenty of plankton and veggie particles flowing through the water and this provides sustenance and hence makes them very happy and mighty plump too I might add. So that answers the why are they happy part but not the why only a clam part. I figure "Happy as a scallop" or "Happy as a mussel" just somehow didn't quite have the same ring to it and also just my guess here...but I suppose clams live in more shallow water than the other species of mollusks. So there you have it. Now the next time someone says they are happy as a clam - you can ask them if they really know what makes a clam happy and if they don't - then you can enhance their knowledge of the true meaning of this phrase...ahem...as I have yours.

But before I go - a special thanks to a corn lovin' friend who turn me to the new craze that is sweeping NYC - Sudoku. It started to get popular in Japan a few years ago and then recently in the UK. These puzzles seem to be all the rage here and are very addictive and fun too.

Speaking of being addictive, I would also like to give another special thanks to my dear friend up north Double D for the wonderful and yummy long promised Canadian delicacy - Nanaimo bars. I have to say mmm...mmm...good and "About Time".

With that being said, I suppose - I too...am happy as a clam!

Bob a.k.a The Banana Guy

Having lived here for the last 2 years - I've slowly acclimated to becoming a transplanted New Yorker such as: learning to avoid empty subway cars no matter how tempting, referring to directions as uptown/downtown and cross-town instead of north/south and east/west, knowing what a "regular coffee" is, eating meals out of push carts without fear, and knowing which subway car to get onto so that I can be right at the stairway when I get off. But now I think my transformation of becoming a real New Yorker is finally complete. The final phase of this change started about a month ago and culminated last night. It started a few weeks ago when I was able to broker a deal with the dry cleaning owner near my building. She agreed to give me the "neighborhood discount" on both my dry cleaning and laundry. Also, in the last couple of weeks, I started buying fruit from the local fruit stand guy instead of my way overprice neighborhood grocery store. One night last week I came by to get my usual bananas and when I got there he said - "Hey it's the Banana Guy". So we chatted for a bit and since he was out of bananas he offered me a free peach and some nectarines. As much as I like free - I couldn't just take a man's livelihood like that so I paid for the nectarines. So now I have a friendly relationship with the fruit guy as well. Then last night the final event took place. I was walking home and came across some furniture that was sitting on the curb. I glanced over it and saw a nice little entertainment center/table that would be great as an end table in my apartment. So after dragging it up 5 flights of stairs - it is now sitting nicely in the corner of my living room. Everybody knows that you can't really call yourself a New Yorker unless you've furnished your apartment with at least one item you found on the streets. As someone once said "Once a cucumber has been pickled - it can never become a cucumber again". So I guess it's official - Yep, Bob the Banana Guy is now a pickle.

And now - I am off to go to the U.S Open to sit in a fancy suite at Arthur Ashe Stadium with food and drinks watching #8 seeded Serena Williams in the ladies match and #2 seeded Rafael Nadal in the men's match. Ahhh life is good as a pickle.

I Feel Good

What a crazy few last weeks my friends. Work has been very busy, yes believe it or not I do actually work and am not always out and about this great city all the time. Rent, pastries, dumplings, C-Town hair cuts and everything else has to be paid for you know. And since there are no Sugar Mommas left - somebody has got to pay for it. However, I am accepting applications for all those who are interested. But the weekend is upon us and I feel good like the dancing Elmo.

Tonight my friend got tickets to go see the Jets play – it is a only a preseason game but nothing beats getting a hot dog and beer at a sporting event. Then on Sunday – I am hoping to meet up with some friends of mine – Phil, Vijay and Tiger. Yep – that is right we will be going to The PGA Championship in NJ. This will be the last golf major of the year and we will be chilling in our corporate hospitality tent sipping on fruity drinks and nibbling on goodies all afternoon. Not to bad of a life I suppose – can’t really complain. Life is good - I’ve still got my health, a job, place to sleep at night and a big round belly.

Also – for those of you looking for a good book to read – go out and get The Kite Runner. I am 2/3 of the way through and so far it is one of the best books I have read. Much better than my previous favorite literary classic - Harry Potter. This book will make you laugh, cry and then cry some more – ahem…well at least that is what I have heard other people do. Contrary to popular belief – Bob can be very sensitive and in touch with his feelings and does have a softer side you know.

So enjoy your weekend and be safe my friends because I know I will. I'm off to C-Town for a haircut and my head massage/mini-facial. Aaahhh - Life is good. As my good friend Don once said – "Take care and be happy".